Today I woke up around 3pm with tears in my eyes… I had dreamed of the very first time I had met my first love…I’m not sure why that memory came through today, well… maybe it’s because the red plague is upon me also as of today, and ladies know it’s the worst emotionally. Then I looked out the window and saw how gloomy the weather is right now where I live in California, so I was like alright universe it’s gonna be THAT type of day huh? Alright. Let’s fucking buckle up. You want me to cry today? FINE! MAYBE I FUCKING WILL UNIVERSE. So I decided to reallyyyy twist that knife in deeper and play HIS playlist. This is something I haven’t done in a really long while because it still fucking hurts sometimes. At the same time though, the memories attached to these songs are such beautiful ones and remind me of a warm world long passed but never truly forgotten. Forever deeply felt and engrained in my story, he is simply a part of me. Eternally. So naturally, that is an aspect that must also be nourished and not neglected. Me dreaming about him today and still thinking of him when I woke up fully is kind of a sign to myself that there’s something there that needs attention, otherwise I wouldn’t have been shown these specific things. That’s the thing when you lose your somebody the way I did, it’s a strange thing to navigate and it sucks when no one else around you has experienced this type of pain. They just can’t really relate, nor do they know what to say or do. That’s ok though, they don’t need to and honestly I’m incredibly grateful that they don’t. Cause it’s not something I would EVER wish upon anyone that I love… It’s really really tough, and it sucks. It’s not something that’ll ever just go away one day either. That’s not how these things work. When you let someone special into your heart like that, they get to live on forever in your memories, tears, laughter, and spirit. They stay with you through it all in a different way than before sure, but I promise they’re still with you. Not everyone can see, but you can always feel their energy when they visit. You just know when it’s them. Don’t think about it or try to explain it away but instead FEEL what they are showing you because it’s important. There’s always some kind of rhyme or rhythm to what the universe presents you with each day. It’s meant to help you learn, grow, and heal. Just let it. Let it all flow forth. It’ll be alright.💜✨
