I created this piece while talking to a close friend of mine. We talked a lot about some really deep shit. At the end of it; one of my main take aways was that it’s always good to be humble, but I also need to give myself credit where credit is due because I am one strong motherfucker that’s been through SO much in life and I’m only 28. My friend said this to me: “I’m sorry you had to go through that, and you are a warrior. You make everything you’ve been through sound so humble but dude you need to give yourself a pat on the back cause you’ve earned it. You deserve that.”
I’m listening to: “Zombie” -YUNGBLUD
This line tho: “If you were to ask about the pain, I would lie.”
That’s exactly what I do. I always have. I take the brunt of things so others I love don’t ever have to. I play off a lot of my pain so others won’t worry or feel sorry for me. I’m just of the opinion that if that person can’t do anything to help my pain then why mention it to certain individuals. Cause then they feel bad that they can’t do anything to help. So to save them from those feelings, I down play a lot of shit. This is simply my nature. My way of being. Without question, that’s my heart guys. I protect those I love, always.
Another subject this drawing touches base on is my slight twinge of anxiety I’ve been getting right before I fall asleep every night. It started while I was in the hospital, I wasn’t getting the best sleep while there. I have been now that I’m home, but it fucking SUCKS that I get that anxiety twinge right as I’m about to fall asleep. So I wake up again, drink more tea, and try again a bit later. I used to have severe anxiety as a teenager so I know how to navigate it and get through it so I can actually fall asleep eventually. It’s just a bit embarrassing for me to admit that I’m feeling anxious cause that’s a battle fought and won already ya know? I learned to overcome my anxiety and make that shit my bitch! Lmao So it makes me feel a little embarrassed that I’m feeling even an iota of anxiety now. After talking to my friend today and thinking about everything now; I see that I shouldn’t be embarrassed about it cause I’ve been through a lot recently and so no fucking wonder I have a little bit of anxiety while I’m still adjusting to being at home after being hospitalized for nearly two weeks. Chamomile tea helps so fucking much! This is another moment where I need to give myself grace. I’m gonna enjoy some water and music now, also gonna spray my pillows with a calming spray that smells AMAZING!
Gonna end the night here with this gem:
“Lullaby” -Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
This is a beautiful song that is very sentimental to me. I don’t play it often anymore. Which is ok.😊🤙🏼